The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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