its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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