bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
