One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
