Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
