If that was your dad, he is hot
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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