Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
