I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize