theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
