My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
