we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
