so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
