Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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