I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
