I can tuck mytits in my pants
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
