Don't you send me to vm
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
