woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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