i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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