I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
They have beer where we have blood.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
