No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
