i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
