i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
