Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Me too!
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
