Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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