she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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