If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
ok first of all what the fuck
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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