Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
