you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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