I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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