if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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