Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
