One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have feelings that need drinking.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
