OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
