Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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