I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
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