She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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