woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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