There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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