No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
