I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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