Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
