He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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