I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
