She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
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She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
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I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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