is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
