I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
and she was petting her beer can
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
