She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
