he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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