I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
