Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
just come out here and I will go home with you...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Boobs speak an international language.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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