I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
