nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
