put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
