The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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