I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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