Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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