You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
