you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
