6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
whose ass print is on the piano?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
FUCK WHALES
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