Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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