Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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