I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
