I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
