The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
