A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
