i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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