You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
