i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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