I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
