my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
