I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
