oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
