The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
